e812nayr

I should have known that I was losing my balance a while back. My innocent had got the very best of me; unable to do anything I fell into this realm of corruption. I allowed everything to enter and take influence over my life without the acknowledgement of it. Now, it is far past late in time to reconsider the choices of the events that had taken place. It was by surprise when that one moment flashed by, in which the feathers of my wings were being tore apart. I am, but a fallen being trapped in this sphere of darkness. A place where I can no longer see hope in existence, where death is my next-door neighbor. The question does come to mind, on whether I should knock on its door.

If I continue on I will lead myself into a place of emptiness, where everything is gone except for the silent desert. There, the sound of the wind can never be heard again, for everything in that sphere will remains still and lifeless. It is a place well known for its devouring ability, a devilish trait I must say. I myself like anyone present before me will, slowly, whither away, becoming nothing more than past memories known only by time.

I am, but a wanderer walking million of miles to get to the end of the road. My life is like a journey, an epic in which I have no prediction of the future. Am I destiny to end it tomorrow? That I will never know, for there is always another tomorrow until my concluding breath. Many individuals believe that there will be a new beginning once the current end. As for myself, I doubt that that imaginative thinking is of any truth. I have, but only one lifetime to live and it is this one, the one in which I had lived for the past 21 years. Whatever I can do I will do to my best, for there might not be a second chance. Whatever kindness I can give I will give, for I will never again walk this world twice.

Let speak of what may, in which is hard to say
Let speak of what must, in which is really my imagination
Let not speak at all, since visions are not so
Built what I ask, when there is only an image?
How do I expect, when there is no existence?
How is it reality, when all is nothing more than a thought?
Another attempt to come into view, had failed again.

Once again I am questioning myself about fate, what is it and if there is any truth to it? Although, I have always try to acknowledge that that belief is simply one of human false assumption, I hypercritically tend to interrogates my very own fate at times. Almost all individuals whether they follow a religion or not, agree that fate is in existence, that everybody has a role to play in this world. If we were all supposed to die in the year 2000, we all would have now been in the spiritual realm. If Bush is smart enough he would’ve master the speech skill by now. (---I mean you would have pre-assumes that he can delivers a good speech after living that long, plus four years in the presidency spotlight along with years of governmental experiences. Speech, isn’t quite the only doubtful thing about him, though, I along with many others do ask, "why are we taking on other countries boulders when we ourselves still have ours own to take care of?" It is right to be kind to others, but don’t try helping them when you yourself can’t even manage your own life. There are deeds that anyone can do for others under any circumstances (for example, in other countries money, and food are the main sources that they lack, we all should make a change by helping out), but there are ones that we all should take a look at our very own situation first (for example going to war against Iraq and claiming to save the people, and the world). As for being the president, that individual is not to look at their own self, but rather the entire country as a whole. For they’re not just representing one person or one family, but the whole country itself. What have happened cannot be change, it might have been fate that Bush was re-elected to the president seat, even if there were some sort of conspiracy behind it all. ---) No matter what’s the outcome of any future events that occur in ones’ life, it is all predestined already; we cannot do anything to change what the future holds. One can have a life fills with happiness, sadness or a combination of both, with no fair balance at all, without any possibility that they can change their current stage unless it is part of their fate. Had my whole life span been written down in gods’ yet to be released book of living beings’ futures already? Is it fate that I am what I am right now? Have I been getting hints throughout years that I’ve lived about my future? It seems that no matter what I do or what fortunate event occurred, I always end up in the same spot again and again. Is this how it is going to be like for the rest of my life? Maybe it is true I will never be satisfied with anything, since the only thing that really can last until my dying day are my own emotions, nothing else around me will.

There I sat on one of the benches at the deserted park looking up into the great night sky. It has been a while now since the last time that I was here at this spot. I can still recall those nights in the past where I’ve allowed my mind to take over, leading me into the night. It is quite soothing to the cranium I have to divulge, similar to a stroll under the moonlight by the shore of the beach. Tonight, however, unlike other nights that I was here, the midnight blue sky is fills with stars. This extravagance sight cannot be closely described verbally in anyway or by any word. Its closest replica would be a blackish blue blanket sprinkled with tons of fireflies on it. For a moment in my mind, I questioned if this view in which my eyes had framed could be seen elsewhere by another person? That was very impractical of me, though, I should have acknowledged right away that every footstep from where I presently am, would be a brand new image. Somehow, all that reminds me of a place that I had once camped at in Nevada, the Valley of Fire. Every night that I was there and the sky didn’t shred any tears, it would be filled with stars. The trip was quite an experience for me; I’ve witnessed other campers’ tent along with mine flowing up into the air. Also, how bizarre it was that a rainstorm happens to come across the valley on the last two days that we were there. Although, we all were trying to save each other tent during the storm, it was still quite an amusing memory. As I started to stand up and leave the park I wonder what other events will passes by me in the future.

Well, Bush is re-elected as president of USA for the next four years. Although, it's not what I and many of you wish for, but still let hope for the best. I do admit that I dislike his poor leadership and actions (which is my own opinion), but still there are others who believe in him. I do hope, what I predict and concludes about his future actions are wrong.

God Bless America
Safety to all our soldiers and prosperity to our Nation.

Silently I walk toward the statue of our beloved deity Athena. There I am, glancing at her, hoping to be given what most being desires to attain from her, her wisdom. Why is it that I still falter to call upon to her for such gift? Do I dread the consequences of acquiring such understanding of humanity? If I am able to acknowledge the truth, come up with a reason for every action, and using logic added in with that to predict upcoming occurrences before its arrival, would life be better for I? How contented can one be if the future is of no surprise to them, that everything has a reason? One can be filled with contentment to a certain level from it, but at the same time they are bringing fears and miseries upon themselves. No matter what one does, though, they can never prevent every single unfortunate event that happens to their love ones. And when they cannot prevent their love one from dying, all their contentment will disappear away. Or am I wrong, for intelligent can helps them to control their very own emotion?

True what was commented, but above it's referring to gainning the knowledge of the world and knowing everything, not just simple intelligent, but rather when one reaches the max of intelligent in the world(s). In order to have such knowledge, their mind must be able to process everything as fast as the speed of light. In the paragraph above, it refers to the intelligent where that one being can pin point everything of the current times along with events of the past, traits of all the surrounding (humans, animals, plants, elements, chemical reaction...basicly everything in the world) and with a quick processing mind they are able to have a clear view of the percentages all the events that can take place. And as the next event occurr, their mind will rapidly recalculates everything again, giving a different percentages of all the events that can occur after that. True that they might be able to know what and how to prevent misfortunes, but there are events that can only be delay. But would someone with that measure of intelligent will be able to control all of their emotions and everything around them?

Things usually don’t appear to be what you want it to be. Like fallen leaves I am falling down onto the earth’s surface waiting to be piled over by leaf after leaf and crushed by random civilians. I do concludes with the idea that cupid arrows had stroked the wrong victim. We all often misjudge the whole situation; the same goes with Eros’ son cupid, what would best describe that archery blow of his than this?

It is quite a surprise that a sudden burst of happiness has hits me from out of nowhere recently. Maybe it isn’t to others, but as for me, it is. Like a dove’s feather, I am balancing across the space of air on earth’s surface. I do conclude with the idea that cupid arrows had stroked me unexpectedly.

I came across this gif logo a while back on some random website.

Part 2: A step into the wrong direction
No longer will I be sitting here by the window waiting for your return. I now will surrender my life to your country and alike to you I will join the militia. Never was I a fighter, but if it's what I must become to hasten our meeting, so be it. Through that conclusion along with my illusion of ours reunion, I am embrace by a wave of contentment for a moment. How mistaken I am to assume that; I am now instead, casts away to another base elsewhere in a far away nation. My spirits are now gone, vanished, disappearing away. I am now not only just alone, but lost and mystifies as well. It was my rash act, in which I am now paying with regrets. Will I survive this war to see you again or will you survive to see me?

Part 1: The unexpected
Without a clue of what the future holds, I consent to you to lead me onward, toward an escapade of infinite possibility. Although, deep down inside I was as frighten and petrified, as ever, I was still able to face it all knowing that you are by my side. It appears to my acknowledgment that this world of yours is overflowed with all sort of undesirable proceedings. This expedition of exploration of ours, though, seems to have taken onto a higher echelon. All of a sudden you were drafted, becoming a part of the armed force, skirmishing for what we all believe to be a pointless war. Why did this have to happen? Why did you have to go? Devoid of you, no longer am I able to retain my strong self. Every night that passes by now, are fills with throbbing and mourning pains. I am like a lost child, crying in the sphere of loneliness, just waiting for its guardian to come back. Here I am, all alone in this fanatical world of yours, without your protection, without your love, and without you.

"Accummulation"

Count the stars for all that it can represent.
Count the days for all those nights.
Count the words for all worth nothing.

Stop the tears for all will end.
Stop the sadness for it is worthless.
Stop this mess for all will result in consequences.

Leave this place for it is a trap.
Leave this world for it cannot be trust.
Leave the past for it is not needed.

Isn’t it a good thing when your close friends are happy? And isn’t it always a good thing when two beings join together and create a relationship? Especially, when both sides are certain and sure about the whole situation, the relationship between the two friends, acquaintances, or being would be one that is worth the risk for them to proceed on. I admit I do remember my past, but the past is the past and I do not intend to look back and bring it toward the present. Our human societies do tend to have all these unspoken rules toward relationship, but then who really live exactly by the rules? If one is sure or want to follow through something, even if it a must not thing in others eyes, they should not be scared of it. Rules are guideline not something to live every steps of your life by. There are always exceptions in every case, and your friends will understand that.

Ticket # 6276111: You are approve

Think what you may, think what you must, but I will never have an equivalent thinking to yours. What good is it to oblige myself to pursue your footsteps when I do not have any similar values at all? Are you the God of mine that leads my life or are you the one that will accumulate a better life for I? If so, I will listen and change. If not, please step out of my way and let me advance onward with my very own judgment. Do not even attempt to utilize your terminology of guidance to persuade me, by doing so you are only strengthening my rage. And for that, you will regret ever witnessing the explosion of an overloaded bomb that you had lighted.

Reminiscing a moment in the past:
Trap in the middle of a swarming crowd of individuals I am frozen in time. I feel as if I am the only person in color while everything else surrounding me are in black and white. It is a moment of living in the past while being lost in the present with no belief of any future occurrences. This moment sadden me as I look around everything neighboring my human body. When will a path open up for me, so that I can break away from this diminutive space? I do not wish to be buried away in here forever. There is no veracity that exists here in the sphere of deceptive truth. Although, my solitude self has taken up the entire space within this place, it still retain its emptiness. Maybe it is not the space that is retaining its emptiness, but rather it is my very own emotion of emptiness that is doing so.

Reminiscing a moment in the past:
After a long stroll around the park I decided to take a rest at the bay side of the lake. Looking directly at the reflection on the water surface, I notice a little boy looking at me. Being curious like usual, I kneel down upon the ground taking a closer look at him. Where have I seen this child who is staring straight back at me with a face merrily smiling? Looking deep into his eyes I can sense a sentimental upsurge of sorrowness. Why is it that he is smiling while deep within his eyes restrains feeling of despondency? This is a face that I recognize from years ago…inside the broken mirror on the floor of my room…a face that have been hidden away all these years…a boy whose emotions have been trapped by himself. As the time passes, his youthful face begins to ages. He no longer has the features of a little boy with a smirk on his face, but instead, a young man with insecurity inscribe all over his face. Not long before nightfall, the little boy vanished, along with the boy so did I…neither of ours images were still upon the rippled water.

The tense disposition I recently experienced is one in which I have never had to this extend before, a feeling of being exceedingly uneasy. It was a moment of existing in a world with only freezing ice cold weather. With my entire body iced up by my own imagination, I was omitted in my own words and thoughts. A large amount of what I said throughout that period of time were terminologies adjoined together by broken thoughts, fragmentary, imprecise, wandering off the point, and wrongfully worded sentences. There were certain questions that I wanted to ask and things that I wanted to say; However, being stunned as I was, I was unable to articulate much. Most of what I said were cluttered grammars, which causes its meaning to diverge from the factual one. I knew it was unavoidable for me to stagger upon my very own words though. Moreover I was out of it...consumed in a state of nervousness…

experienced from talking to someone

Suddenly in split of a second you vanished away…disappearing from my mind…I thought it is impossible for me to ever let you go, but I am now finally starting to…It has been about five years now…Ever since that day (December 18, 1998) I started to upsurge feeling for you, doubtlessly because of what you have done for me that very night…in next to no time I realized that it wasn’t just a predilection of mine for you, but rather I have fallen in love with you. Waking up one morning with drops of waters in my eyes…and all that I could think of was you...it was the first most painful moment I ever experienced…I felt myself being stabbed constantly from inside of my chest...giving me the urges to end it with physical ones…that moment happened shortly after I regonizes the ending of our friendship...that we no longer shared the same path…from that day on, I was lost…lost in a world of thoughts, false dreams, disappointment, and swarming individuals…all these time to you I was just a good friend, but even so, I have always been contented with it. From then on, I thought that I would on no account, be able to obliterate your illusion away from my mind. Unpredictably, though, I’m starting to make out the supplementary region of this dreary ground that I am on…as I gradually take my steps toward the other side, I can senses my very own present rather than yours or others as my main sagacity now. As my feeling for you fades so did my dependency upon others. All along I have been unconsciously feeding upon others friendship or loves…but never allowing any one of them to enter my realm akin to how you did…always keeping myself secreted…making it seem like I am an object with an owner…only wanting to views others…never seeing my own existence along with their…I have been concealing myself away deep within a sphere of misleading reality. To me you were the best thing that occurred, but, yet also the most excruciating one…